Home is Where?

Hello there, 

It's me again. In an effort to make this blog look like a more personal archive, I plan on changing the name to something that sounds a bit more me, Idk! I've a few options in mind but it would take a while to choose. I'm so exhausted lately, I don't know why. Oh, it's the weekend and it has been quite an interesting week mentally for me. This Saturday in particular was nothing special, it was just chaotic and I don't like chaos. I was about to write something but I forgot what it was.  

Oh yes, I remember now. Home!! What is home to you? I mean how do you define home? Someone said to me when I was in high school "Home is where the heart is" and that has stuck with me forever.  I made home out of someone until another person said "Don't make home out of people cuz they leave". Well, that person was right. Everyone who gave me sane advice and taught me valuable lessons left or I left or maybe we just drifted apart. Well not everyone, but the majority. I will be forever indebted to them for these lessons. 

Anyways, like I was saying. Home! I have been in search of my home for the longest time. I mean don't get me wrong, I have a great family, a great house and great friends but, well, there's a but. 

But, I haven't felt at home for a long time. How even do you feel at home? What is that feeling exactly? 

Maybe, writing about my feelings so openly isn't a good idea and maybe I should've written everything anonymously.  But, oh well, f**k it. I already have a bunch of notes on my phone that aren't ever making it anywhere. 

I don't know what home is or how it feels to be at home. 

One day maybe I'll find my home. For now, I find solace in writing, reading and confiding in Bangtan. That's right, I am an ARMY and the fangirl in me is bound to come out sooner than the later. 

I have no freaking idea if anything that I wrote above made any sense at all but I just poured my heart out. Maybe, I'll find my home someday. Maybe I'll just keep wondering and wandering. Either way, it's a beautiful life. 😍 

 

Love🥂,

A❤️💜

A State Of Euphoria: Time To Heal!

 Hi everyone! What's up? How are you all doing? Welcome back to my little world. It has been more than a year since I wrote anything here. The last blog that I wrote was quite heavy and indicated a fresh start. That's what I have been doing since then. I took the time to work, heal myself, and find myself all over again. ❤

Well, obviously it was not unicorns and rainbows all the time. In fact, the majority of this phase was quite rough and patchy. The road was bumpy. It was very difficult but not impossible. After what it seems like more than a year, several bumpy rides, several happy moments later, I can proudly say that I am doing better than ever. Am I completely healed? No! Am I happy with myself? Yes, and I am constantly thriving to become a better version. Now, coming back to this post. Did you read the title? A state of "Euphoria'! Well, yes the name is inspired by one of my favorite songs "Euphoria" sang by Jungkook from BTS. ❤

This year has been crazy, right? It changed our lives most unexpectedly. I'll be lying if I say that the situation did not take a toll on me. It did, it drained the living hell out of my soul. Being stuck at home every day makes me feel sick and unproductive. I cannot get any work done if I am unmotivated. But, I constantly pushed myself to make the best of it. Some days I just kept lazing around and some days I went too harsh on myself. But, after struggling for months I'm at a point where I am doing better. I have never felt so much peace in my life before. I don't depend on others for being happy or expect anything from anyone. I have learned to love myself, prioritize myself, and be responsible for my own happiness. 💗

Happiness is a choice and I ain't giving that right to anyone. There was a time when I used to be extremely uncomfortable with myself. Now, I feel the most comfortable with myself. I like spending time with myself and caring for myself. Simple things like watching the sunrise/sunset, moon, the night sky, spending time with my cousins, cuddling with my cats, chatting with my friends, working, listening to music, etc make me happy. This year really gave me the time to reflect, contemplate, and make some major life decisions. I gave up something I didn't like doing and started investing myself in doing things I love. 💗💗

With all that being said, I also learned a few lessons this year. The first one is how important it is to be comfortable with ourselves, being independent, emotionally stable, and also you need to know how to control your emotions. Trust me guys, if you know how to love yourselves, care for yourselves, and pay  attentionto the little things, you need nobody to become happy. Be carefree, not careless, cherish the moment while preparing for a better future, don't be too harsh on yourselves, do something you love, don't give up on your dreams, keep fighting. Remember, you have got one life and you need to make the best of it. Do not think about surviving, live! Let us wrap this up in the classic Airene style:

Life's kinda blurry,
everything seems a little scary
but don't you worry,
cuz, they will send us the fairy
to help us heal and take the ferry

to a better prairie

where euphoria will dawn upon us and

Christmas will again be merry! 

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy! ❤

Disclaimer: All pictures are shot and edited by me. Kindly do not use it elsewhere!