The Road Trip

"Oh, the car broke down and it's raining!" Elena exclaimed.

They got stranded in the middle of nowhere. It was raining and they were driving for a while. Both of them were hungry. So, the car breaking down that too in a secluded place did them no good. 

Both of them got out of the car and started walking in hopes of finding a place to rest and eat- a shelter for a few hours. 

Few Months Earlier

Elena didn't know much about this guy. This was their first real date after hanging out virtually for a while. Well, the thing about Elena is, she's an introvert with high social anxiety or as most people would say- Weirdo!

But, the people who really know her, know she is a lovable person. Although, she's one of the strongest people you will ever come across. Umm, to put it right, we can say Elena is a toughie but a goofball full of love and practicality. 

She's a hopeless romantic with trust issues so she's too scared of falling in love. She believes in the concept of soulmates but she has given up on finding her soulmate or a partner. Well, to be honest, she has had her heart broken into pieces and she gave up on finding love.

Ever since then she just focused on healing and working. A lot happened in between but one fine Saturday afternoon, while she was scrolling mindlessly through the pointless reels on Instagram and fangirling over her favorite music group, she got a notification that somebody followed her.

Since it was the weekend and she had nothing to do, she decided to stalk this follower. He was a good-looking guy, some kind of entrepreneur, loves music, has a dog, and surprisingly is also into classic literature and fiction. 

She didn't believe it at first and thought that the entire feed was made up to attract people. She decided to play the game and hit 'follow back'. That's how it began. It took him ages to convince her that he is real and he is not trying to fool her. 

Well, it was not love. They just clicked pretty well. Elena values friendship more than anything else and they became very good friends. 

Never, in the whole relationship, or whatever they had going, he forced her to meet or do anything. It was all moving at a pace they were comfortable with. 

One day, while face-timing, he blurted out without thinking much "you know it's high time, we should meet". 

He was just pulling her leg and he knew the obvious response. But, to this surprise, Elena said "okay, let's do it".

The Current Chapter 

Finally, they met, he picked her up and they planned to go for a drive and food. 

This is when the car broke down and they had to find shelter somewhere for a few hours. 

After walking for a while, they found many cars parked in front of what looked like a cottage. 

They went to it and it was crowded with people. It was a beautiful cabin in the woods. 

Unfortunately, the rooms were full and they were escorted into the dining hall where they barely had any place to sit. It was chaotic and loud. 

Elena hates chaos and he knows that. She started complaining about how poor the management is, and how unorganized everything is. 

While this went on, they ordered food and the food turned out to be horrible as well. 

Elena: "ugh, I'm so sorry for today. This is why I told you meeting me ain't a good idea. I'm sure, this is not the date you expected". 

He just smiled. They sat there observing the surroundings and everyone around was complaining about how poor the management is. 

Time went by, and a staff member soon came in and informed them that their car was repaired followed by the manager, who saw him and got shocked. 

He stood in front of the room and asked everyone what their complaints are. He asked the manager to fix things as soon as possible and he'll come back soon. The manager shook his hands and showed them the way out. 

Elena asked, "hmm, that was weird. Why was the manager obliging to your questions? You looked like you know him". 

He smiled and asked her to come outside. They came out and he said "look up" pointing at the name board.

He owned the damn thing and he promised that he'll take care of things to make it better. 

They sat in the car and it started shaking. 

"Elena, Elena wake up, we have to leave" exclaimed her mom. 

Golly gosh, it was just one of her silly dreams again. Elena smiled and proceeded with her day. 

It was trip day for her family and that's why her mom woke her up at dawn. 

The whole family was supposed to go on a road trip to the beach out of town. 

They got ready and left for the trip. Everyone was having fun and the atmosphere of the car was lit. 

A few hours into the trip, the car broke down. 

"Okay, while this gets fixed, let's take a pit stop here. Let us find something, have some food and relax for while" said Elena's fun uncle.

They started walking and her brother said, "look there's a cabin ". 

Elena stood outside the cabin, shocked and surprised. She murmured, "How is this even possible?" 

She looked up at the board and it said "Elena's Castle". 

"Hey, look it's your castle, Elena," said her dad. 

Everyone laughed and went inside. 

Elena was taken aback by what she saw. It was the same cabin, the same interiors, only better, that she saw in her dreams. 

Everyone seemed to recognize Elena and welcomed the whole family. 

"Look, you're famous here. Maybe, they had nothing to do and read your crappy books or blogs" her brother teased. 

She was quiet and she still couldn't believe where she was. How could this happen? She never knew of this place, she has never been here before.

While everyone was relaxing and having a good time, she went out to take a look at the surroundings. She clicked a few pictures and wandered around for a while, sipping coffee and reminiscing about the dream.

They had their food and it was time to leave. The car was also repaired. 

Elena walked out with her family. Her heart was full. One last time, she looked back at the cabin, and the name board and smiled. 

"Elle, come on. It's getting late" 

She went inside the car and embarked on the rest of the journey with a happy heart.

Artwork By Aishani- my little niece

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

It's Been A While!

 It has been a while, you guys. I have been thinking about this blog a lot lately. I kept thinking about why I started this blog and what I wanted to convey. I also kept wondering about various ways to grow this blog.💓

However, I kept coming across a saying recently that goes something along the lines "I blog for young girls who wants to feel seen and heard". Unfortunately, I did not save the whole thing and I cannot find the exact lines. 

This kept me awake for a few nights. I started this blog to write my heart out and share the most vulnerable sides of me, the sides that make me question life, the sides that nobody has seen.  I never started this blog with the intention to grow. 

While growing up, I did not have anybody to look up to or any adult to have a conversation with whom they will understand my perspective. I want to become that adult for you. Even if this reaches one of you and if you are struggling with life, know that I am here to hear you out. 

I won't judge you based on your age or problems. It might seem something tiny to someone older than you but if it's bothering you so much, then I am sure it is a huge problem. 

I have friends who are younger than me and they often reach out to me with questions or advice or just to have a general discussion. I want to create that safe space for the beautiful, young people out there. You can say whatever you want here. I will listen. You know why?

Because I wanted someone to listen to me too. I wanted someone to be there beside me while I was struggling without judging or lecturing me on how others have it worse. 

I am no professional and I am not a perfect human being. I won't give you therapy sessions but I want to be a friend. A friend you can trust, you can confide in. 

Am I the happiest person now? Hell No! I am far away from being happy. I just know how to deal with these feelings and how to not let them get to me. 

Also, I cling on to hope for dear life. No matter what, I do not give up hope, ever! That's what I wanted to say to ya'll. 

I will try my best to post frequently on this blog. Meanwhile, if you have any questions or if you want me to write on any particular topic, leave them in the comments. 

Just in case, you want to share something without revealing your identity, something that's bothering you a lot, use this form 💜

Just Another Meltdown In The Shower! 🙂

I stood there like a mess, tears dropping from my eyes, water droplets running through my tresses. 

I started wondering why can't I keep myself in check, why can't I control these flowing tears, I wanted to stop but I couldn't. 

I was out of breathe, I wanted to scream, I wanted someone to hold me while I was losing myself and hug me saying "it's okay" 

I was searching for someone to calm me down but there was no one. Maybe a warm touch would have made me feel better, maybe a palm on my head would have comforted me. 

But there was no one. I kept crying while standing and sitting in the shower, I kept struggling to breathe. At that very moment, I wanted to scream and tell the world that I'm tired, I'm too tired of fighting. I'm tired of everything. 

For once, I want someone to listen to me, to care for me and to be genuinely there. 

But, nobody would understand right? They'll invalidate what I feel by saying "don't get depressed" and "others got it worse" or they'll probably not even listen. 

How can I say that I did not choose to feel this way? I hate feeling this way. My broken heart is further breaking into pieces and I don't know how to express myself. 

If I don't put this out, I'm probably going to pass out from feeling so overwhelmed. I need to get this off. 

I'm being too much right? Overreacting maybe? Maybe I'm. 

People will come with their opinions but when you need them the most, you'll have no one. 

Just another day huh? Just another meltdown in the shower. 

P:C- Pinterest

Life goes on. 🙂

                                               ~Airene

Life Happens! Shit Happens! We Live On! 💖

The more I speak, write and read about mental health, the more I realize how stigmatized it still is. The taboo around mental health is real. Many people still have no clue how serious it can be. The insensitive comments they make towards the mental health posts and issues can affect many people and everyone has their own struggles. 

I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in my teenage years! 

Things got worse when my grades started dropping. I was a good student and this dip in grades was something I couldn't accept.

I became an average student (neither good at academics nor at co-curricular activities). 

The only escape I had was writing!

I started hating myself and wish I was dead. I tried attempting suicide numerous times (this is the first time I am saying this out loud). I was desperate. 

Then I got into a relationship and became emotionally dependent on that relationship. But, that relationship could not make me love myself. It made things worse. I hated every aspect of being alive. I hated the way I looked, the way I talked and how I was failing at everything. 

Soon, we grew up, became adults, and started living our own lives. Well, my life still revolved around that relationship.

My life revolved around my partner and I didn't have any individuality or space. I didn't realize how toxic it got. That was my only purpose of living (or so I thought). I fought with everyone for him. My friends turned against me, the people I thought to be my closest betrayed me. 

I thought "it doesn't matter, as long as he loves me, I'll live" Do you know what's the biggest irony of life?

I got cheated on by him after dating for almost a decade! Ha-ha! Cheating is a deal-breaker for me in any relationship! 

When I care for someone, I'll go to extreme heights for that person but once you betray me, I'll not look back at you ever again! 

I walked out of that relationship (turns out he already walked out of it before, I just ended it officially). That was the best decision of my life. 

I thought I'll die without him. You know what he said, when I asked him why he did this?

He said "I thought you'd kill yourself so I couldn't tell you anything". 

I answered "No matter what I do, I won't kill myself for you" . I still wanted to be in touch with him because whom am I kidding? I loved him but at that moment I chose me. 

For the first time, I chose myself and never looked back. 

I became numb, I felt nothing that day. The trauma hit me so hard that I didn't know how to react. 

The only people that stood by me during those days were my parents and my best friends. 

I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have them. 

I started having serious episodes again and he would text me out of nowhere to blame me and say how I destroyed his life. 

Yes, I made mistakes too. I always say that I'm a great friend but a terrible girlfriend! I am too clingy and love being with my partner. Maybe that'll change with time. 

For the time being, I'm not ready to go for any commitment. Or maybe I did not find the right person yet, time will tell! One thing that I pride on is my loyalty. I stayed loyal till the end and I'd always stay loyal to near and dear ones. 

I thought my adventures ended here. Oh how wrong was I! The breakup broke me, traumatized me, destroyed my mental health. But, this was just the beginning! 

I used to act numb and cold. It took me a while but eventually I got better. 

What stayed was my depression, my anxiety! I tried seeking help but the therapist I consulted online advised me "move on, there's nothing you could do about it." 

I never sought any professional help after that. I had my friends and they're the best things that happened to me ever. 

Two years later, on December 2021, I got diagnosed with brain tumor! I was finally at a turning point in my career. 

Everything just fell apart in a jiffy. I had to go for surgery and now I'm on a break. 

With this, my depression became much more brutal. I cannot even begin to say how helpless I feel. I am not used to living like this. 

This is just an example of what I went through or what I'm going through. 

Yes I know I'm privileged. But that doesn't mean I don't feel pain. If you never suffered from any mental health illness, I pray you never have to but that doesn't give you the liberty to discard what other people's feelings.

It's highly insensitive to compare your pain with others. It's completely okay to grieve and it's normal to feel how you're feeling. 

Don't say things like "you're privileged", "people have it worse", "it's all in your mind", etc. 

Mental health issues are very much real and they can destroy us. The person sitting next to you in the bus might be having an anxiety attack and you'll be completely oblivious to it. 

My depression gave me insomnia, health issues and a ton of other problems as gifts. 

I've had people tell me the most insensitive things and say how lucky I'm. 

Bro, I might be the richest girl in the universe and still suffer from depression.

We all have pain and we all have the right to grieve. No one's walking in our shoes and no one will understand the pain we are going through. If we can't compare the good things, why compare the pain? It's difficult and it's different for every people out there. 

Let them grieve in peace. That's how they heal and that's how they learn. Instead of saying things like forget, move on, try being by their sides, try being a good listener and try helping them recover.

People going through this are not looking for advice but are looking for a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold and seeking the familiar warmth which they no longer will be able to get. Try feeling the gap, try making them feel less lonely. If you cannot do this, do nothing. Just walk away.

Image Credits: Pexels/Pixabay