The Lost Journey ❤️

 "Hi, It has been such a long time," You said hugging your best friend whom you're meeting after almost two years. 

You guys have always been in touch via text and call but your busy schedules and the current situation has kept you apart for so long. 

"Ahhh, my monkey. Now that I can chew your brain face to face, I feel alive. Life's so boring without you."

You guys laughed and headed inside the restaurant. She's pursuing her master's and you've got a full-time job. 

Both of your schedules are so jam-packed that seeing each other has become almost impossible. But, that hasn't created any difference between you. You're still the same. 

"So, how's everything going?" You asked. 

"Hahahaha! As if you already don't know" She replied. 

"I know, but I cannot believe I'm seeing you after almost two years. Remember during college? We used to hang out every other day even though our colleges were separate" You said. 

"Yeah, we were a happy mess back then" She replied with a sigh. 

"Aren't you happy now?" You asked, taken aback.

"Are you?" She asked you back with a grin. 

"Ahh well, according to people's opinion I earn a decent living, I'm independent and I've friends so I don't have any pain in life. My life is perfect. Happy as ever" You replied. 

"You can pretend in front of the whole world you asshole, but you cannot pretend in front of me. And pain? You don't have pain? I've seen you through everything. The act you put on with that sweet smile can steal millions of hearts but they cannot handle the rawness inside your heart". She replied almost teary-eyed.

"You've not only seen me but you've been with me through everything. You've seen me in days when staying alive wasn't an option for me anymore but you pulled me through it. Bro, you kinda saved my life. And I know you're not happy. Even though this is your dream, you're still not happy. We've been together forever and we've seen each other through everything. " You said

"People also say me that I'm pursuing my masters now, I've rich parents and next I'll pursue P.hd. My life is sorted. I'm the happiest girl in the world. I mean yes I'm lucky and blessed but does that also mean I'm happy? I mean just because my parents work hard and I'm pursuing higher studies means I cannot have any pain in life" She said. 

"People! People are entitled to have an opinion. I know everyone out there is struggling with their own problems but that doesn't give them the right to totally disregard the problem of other people. If you can't respect another individual's feelings, keep your damn mouth shut. Don't disrespect like that. Only if they've seen you like I did and only if they understood what you went through. You're such an inspiration girl and I'm not saying this because you're my best friend. But, I'm saying this because I mean it. " You said with a mellow smile. 

"I can say the same thing to you. I still remember that day when you called me and was like everything is over. I swear babe, I was scared for my life. I thought you'll do something stupid but you're way stronger than that and I'm so proud of you asshole. You're one heck of a strong woman. See the person you've become today. Be proud of yourself" She said. 

"Well, then you should be proud of yourself too and yes I like the way I've turned out to be. I'm still working on myself. But, there are times when I feel too empty, lonely, and heavy at the same time. There's this pain that doesn't go away and makes me feel so many things yet I feel nothing. So many thoughts swarm across my head but again I cannot think anything. I don't know how's that possible. Umm, to put it into short my heart feels heavy, my head feels empty. I don't know how to describe this feeling. " You explained taking a sip of your wine. 

"Hmm, I understand. Given your personality, you don't even open up to anyone or share how you're feeling with anybody else so you just keep it to yourself and feel even more down. I'm sorry I've not been there as much as I should have. I'm really sorry" She said, a tear rolled down from her cheeks. 

"Aye, don't be sorry. I couldn't be there for you as well. We were busy and judging how much of a nerd you've become with all these syllabus and books, I wouldn't have bothered you either like you didn't tell me you weren't happy." You said smiling. 

"Classic you! You'll never change. Well, I feel empty too and I cannot trust people. In fact, the amount of times we've been backstabbed, it's better for us not to trust people. I just have you and am glad for that. Please promise to reach out to me whenever you feel down" 

"I will only if you promise to do the same". You being the classic you cracked a deal. 

"Deal" she replied

"When did we grow up so much and why did we get so lost? This wasn't our plan. Our 20s weren't supposed to be like this" She asked you. 

"Hmm, aren't we all lost and broken?" You said. 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental.

The Feeling Of Falling 💖

 "Hey Monkey" You heard him call out your name from a distance.

"You idiot, you're late again" You yelled at your best friend.

Both of you have been best friends since kindergarten and you have basically spent your entire lives together. But, there's something about him that you find different these days.

Maybe, you started seeing him in a different light, maybe he is becoming more than just a best friend to you!

Well, he liked you since you were a kid and he was very clear about it. Now, you are having the same feelings about him too, but you got worried.

You hung out all the time and both of you were very clear of your hearts. But, there's something that kept stopping you!

"Well, what's the problem? I mean you guys are together for your entire lives. He has liked you since forever and now you like him back too. Isn't that a good thing? " Your sister asked.

"No! It isn't. I'm just too scarred and scared to fall in love and I'm afraid I'll hurt him. His smile will fade away if he sees me like that again" You replied with a sigh!

"What makes you think so? Isn't this worth taking a risk?"

"No sis, not again! I'm just too broken"

"Can he not fix you?"

"He practically saved my life and was there for me throughout everything. Nobody but I can fix myself and I'm afraid it'd take a long time"

"What's so wrong about falling in love? It's a beautiful feeling!"

"Yes, it is beautiful. The feeling of falling is beautiful. You know it's okay when you're just falling, it's okay when the other one is falling too. The moment your love is reciprocated is when things start to go wrong. You build up expectations, even though you say you won't. It just comes naturally. We cannot do anything about it. They don't live up to your expectations, you don't live up to their expectations, your wounds become fresh and you start bleeding again. It will destroy you over and over again if you don't fix yourself" you replied.

"Hmm, what now?!"

"Nothing. Things will go like the way they are"

"So, you're going to bottle up your feelings again?"

"Um, yes, pretty much, and keep being the best friend that I'm"

"It won't hurt you?"

"No, it won't. Rather, it makes me happy. Just being with him makes me happy and I've absolutely no regrets" you said with a big, happy grin, but the pain was invincible in your eyes, in your smile.

"Well, it's your life, but what if he moves on?" Your sister asked, rather concerned.

"I'm hoping he would. He's the best and he deserves to be loved by someone who can give him the world and that isn't me"

Your phone beeped right at that moment!

He texted you

"I'm downstairs. Open up. I got beer and chicken"

You smiled and ran downstairs. Nothing beats the combination of beer and chicken. It's your favorite.

"Why the sudden appearance, idiot?" You asked him.

"I was missing you and I wanted to sit under the sky with you," he said looking straight into your eyes.

You just stood there and smiled. This feeling that you were feeling confused you on how to react.

"What? I didn't ask you to say it back. Now, will you please help me with these bags? Stop being such a princess. Do some work you lazy ass" he screamed being the smug he is.

You hurriedly took the bags and climbed up the stairs to your terrace.

This was your happy place. Well, to be honest, this was your comfort place. Whenever things got crazy, you came up here with him, sat on the edge, sipped on a bottle of beer, and feasted on some chicken.

Today was the same. You sat there with him, let the cool breeze brush through the strands of your hair, and the music fades away in the background. With the bottle of beer in your hand, you caught a glimpse of his face in the moonlight and felt a sense of peace. You thought "Well, I love him" to yourself and he caught you staring.

You looked away and smiled.

"So, this is how it goes?" He asked.

"Maybe," you replied with your legs dangling on the edge and smiling.

You don't know what the future holds for you, but all you know that this very moment is all the happiness and peace you could ask for.

Image Source: Pinterest

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental.

A Walk In The Woods!

It all started with the eye contact we made at your agency's headquarters. I was a recruit and going through my work when suddenly my eyes landed on your face and got stuck. I could not take my eyes off your eyes which surely have a galaxy in them, they're so bright yet has a hidden pain in them. You smiled at one of the guys and my heart stopped beating. Ahh that smile, that damn smile!

I kept staring at you like a fool oblivious to my surroundings. This gazing happiness was broken by a guy who went "Hey, I need you to meet someone."

When he brought in that someone, I again lost my mind, zoned out. It was you! I didn't know how to react. Well, wasn't it obvious? I have been in love with you for years and worked my ass off the whole time just to get into your agency. Not only so that I can stay close to you, but also it would be a pretty good opportunity for my career. I made that dream come true. 

But I didn't know what to do when I saw my dream standing at an arm's length from me. He introduced you to me and you finally noticed me. There was it, our first eye contact. You smiled! Ahh, there it goes again, your angelic smile which made my heart flutter like an idiot since I first saw you when I was 19. 

Seeing that smile, those gleaming eyes, it did something to me and I don't know what was it. No, I never expect my feelings to be reciprocated but this right here, standing up close and talking, laughing with you while looking directly at your eyes is my peak happiness level. 

You are my hero, my inspiration, my savior, my life, and my whole damn world. You always have been. No, I'm not pathetic, maybe a little that seeing you makes me lose my mind but you also made me choose myself and taught me to love myself first. You encouraged me to work hard and pursue my passion. 

Well, this was the flashback that kept playing on my mind while you were talking to me. I couldn't hear a word you said but the last few lines 

"Hey, it's nice to meet you. Mind if I ask for your number? Now that we're working together, we should interact more" 

Of course not, why will I mind giving you my number? I cannot even believe this was happening! I gave you my number and you walked out from my cabin. 

I sat down with a thud, my heart still couldn't digest what happened. I just convinced myself 

"This is it and this was all you wanted okay? Do not wish for more. It won't happen. Stay in your lane." 

We got pretty close while working although I tried to maintain a barrier between us. It was hard seeing you so up close and you seemed happy or maybe it was just my overthinking but I controlled myself. 

One fine day, you just popped out of nowhere and said "Hey, let's grab dinner together. I got something to say. I'll text you the venue and time "

You left before I could even say anything. I guess we're grabbing dinner.

My phone beeped:

Dinner at xyzhesjh restaurant

Be there at 8:00.

Don't be late missy! 

I let off a little laugh and went home to get ready for dinner. It was pretty cold so I carried my faux fur overcoat that looks pretty cute with anything. 

No, I didn't dress fancy and by now you were also aware of that fact. I just put on my pair of blue denim and a white sweater! 

I reached the place 30mins earlier. It was such a pretty restaurant located near the woods and also had a beautiful sitting area in the front. 

Just then, I saw my phone ringing. It was a call that I dreaded receiving but I had to. Well, that call kinda ruined my mood and you saw that from a distance. You saw me behave like a lunatic, shed a few tears, and stand up back again. 

I didn't know that. You walked towards me and jumped "Hi! Heheheh" 

"You moron!" I screamed losing my breath because I was scared. 

You said sorry and shoved a flower bouquet in my hands. 

"Umm, just a little gift for doing your job nicely"

I said thanks and we went inside the restaurant. We talked a lot while eating. I got a little tipsy from all the alcohol but it was okay! I had a lot of fun. 

After our dinner, we came out! The environment was so beautiful. It looked magical. You asked 

"Hey, do you maybe want to take a walk in the woods?"

Oh no no no, this is exactly what I shouldn't let happen but it is. This is going in the wrong direction. But, my heart sank and I just couldn't refuse. 

We started walking in the woods. A cool breeze was blowing and messed all my hair up! I tucked the hair behind my ears and started walking again. Something pierced through my heels and it hurt. It was a piece of thorn. You wanted to help but I didn't let you. 

I pulled it out myself. I couldn't walk properly so we held hands. Ugh, this feels so wrong yet so right. We started walking until we found a big beautiful tree and sat down under it. 

"Let's sit here for some time," You said in a very soothing tone. 

No no no, what are you doing? I kept saying to myself but again my heart couldn't say no. So we sat there. 

You looked at my eyes again directly and started to stroke my head gently. 

"I saw. You don't have to explain anything" you said while hushing me and pulled me closer to your arms. 

Once again I couldn't believe this was happening but I was happy. I was there actually wrapped between your arms without any regrets. 

"You know this won't take us anywhere right? You also know that I've loved you for as long as I could remember. You also know that you're the reason I'm here?" I mumbled. 

"Hush! Stay like this. It's nice. Somethings are better left unsaid!" You said while placing a peck on my head. 

That moment felt like an eternity of happiness which I will cherish for the rest of my life even after knowing that this will reach nowhere! ❤️💜

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

 

Dear Anxiety!

 Hey! We meet again. It has been a while, right? My hands started shivering, I felt numb, I started sweating and my heart started racing. It became so hard to breathe. It was so painful. You know I cried today and I don't even know the reason why. I didn't want to cry. I cried after a while. Everything stopped and became blurry for some time. 

Image source: Pinterest

Ahh well! I thought I was doing fine, I thought I was thriving. Honestly, I was! Everything seemed ok and out of nowhere, you came today. Why? What was the reason for giving me this pain? Lol, it's foolish of me to even ask this now. If there was an answer to this then I guess I would have found out long ago. You know I can live without you. I can live happily without you and I would prefer that. But now that you're a part of me, I cannot help but accept you and fight with you for the peace of my mind. It started back in school right? When I was in kindergarten and I cried because my colour crossed the black border of that doll on the artbook? Or did it start when I came 5th and cried because I didn't top? Or was it when I was nervous at my viva exams? This just became a thing. Little did little me know back then that this particular feeling will stay with me forever and this is what we call anxiety. Little did teen me know that her nervousness for the maths exam was way more than just nervousness. Little did she know that she would also become a victim of depression. Little did she know that the cocktail of anxiety and depression is not great. She fell victim to all these without having any knowledge of what was happening. Nobody told me what to do, nobody guided me, nobody saw the real thing behind the facade that I wore. I mastered the art of fake smiling at a young age and everyone assumed I'm a very happy little girl. Well, the sleeves of my school uniform covered multiple scars. Scars of me punishing myself, scars of me trying to get some relief from the mental pain, scars of feeling satisfied to see the blood ooze out. Behind that smile hid numerous attempts when she decided to end her life and when she started living on sleeping pills. But, nothing killed me. 

Image source: Pinterest

You tried so hard. You tried so bad to kill me, end me, finish me, drain me. Well, you kinda drained me and I got exhausted with the fight. I gave up almost until one fine day I lost everything a person could lose. I lost the only dream I had left, I lost all my hopes of life. That was the day you snatched away a lot but that was also the day when Airene became fearless. She was no longer the scared little girl. Do you know why? Because she has nothing more to lose now. When a woman has nothing left to lose, she becomes fearless and a fearless woman can overcome anything and everything. So, try hard, stay with me and watch me fight you like a queen. I'm alone but I'm not afraid. I'm independent, fearless and someone who doesn't deserve this pain. I am like a phoenix who only rises stronger from her ashes. 

Image Source: Pinterest

Anxiety, you are not likely to part ways with me and so I accept you as a part of me. But, I won't let you win. This time, it's me who's in charge and even though you can trigger the worst of my emotions, making it painful for me to breathe or do anything, I'll pause and let it sway over to the other end. I'll pause and take a break. But I won't let you win. This is my life and I'm in control. If I've come so far, overcoming so much then I can do it for the rest of my life too. 

                                                                ~Airene